søndag 30. oktober 2011

Thoughts on vampires

You know what I just realized. Its gonna sound really stupid. Like really really stupid. But I’m a big fan of pop culture vampires. This was before twilight and the vampire diaries were even thoughts in the authors mind (or should I say dreams); I like the mystery and the gore of it all, the whole creatures of the night thing. I was a BIG fan of Buffy and subsequently angel. Back when vampires really couldn’t walk in the sun. Anne Rice, Bram Stoker was the dominant vampire know-it-alls. And as far as I know they weren’t inspired by dreams about vampires in sunny meadows.

TV shows such as the vampire diaries and movie franchises such as twilight will have you believe that vampires truly can walk in the sun. In twilight they just glitter in the sun, apparently humans are too stupid and so the mistake the vampire glittering in the sun for the vampire actually being burned by the sun. And in the vampire diaries, most of the vampires can walk in the sun because of fancy rings (Damon, Stefan and Caroline all have bewitched rings) and the rest; well most of them are super freaky originals so it doesn’t matter to them apparently.

As I watch older episodes of Buffy and of the vampire diaries one thing struck me, how come vampires don’t need to be invited anymore??? One of the major rules to protect oneself from vampires is that they have to be invited in to be able to wander around your house. But apparently, in addition to making vampires glitter, Miss Meyer now thinks that any idiot vampire can just waltz into anyone’s house without being invited in, case and point the situation of vampire Reily who was roaming around Bella's house (leaving behind his scent). If only Miss Meyer had just upheld the vampire LAW, Bella wouldn’t have been in the predicament that she and the Cullen’s and the werewolves ultimately ended up in, in the third installment of the highly ludicrous and overrated franchise that is The Twilight Saga.

Don’t get it twisted; these are the most important vampire rules:

1. Never EVER invite a vampire in(unless he is your boyfriend i.e. Angel, Edward or Stefan)
2. Holy water and wooden stakes DO work! Just remember to aim for the heart.
3. Daylight WILL make a vampire burn (not glitter!!)
4. Fangs are a MUST, if you see k9s that look bigger than what k9s should look like, then run for cover!!!
5. A vampire will feed on human blood. Any vampire that chooses not to feed on humans but to ignore its animalistic nature can’t really be called a vampire (vegetarian vampires don’t exist, i.e. the ones that glitter and wear fancy rings aren’t vampires, just shadows of their true self)
6. To become a vampire, one must feed on a vampire. Just a bite will not do.
7. Vampire CAN’T have babies! Come on people, that’s just ridiculous! Seriously, say it out loud, you’ll understand how stupid it sounds….